I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
