Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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