i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
