"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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