I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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