i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
