So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
