i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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