Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
