the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
