It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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