you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
