Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
