the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
