You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
