Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
