i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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