if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
