my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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