I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
