NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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