mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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