I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
