they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
