Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize