do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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