awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.