dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
FUCK WHALES
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