We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.