apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar