Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato