ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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