He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.