the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
