I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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