I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
