She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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