right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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