Non-Jews are for practice
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
