Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
