Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
