The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
