He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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