maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
