No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
