I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
