Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
