First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize