In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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