so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
