when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
