I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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