Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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