I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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