I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
