I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
