Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
