Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
