I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
