You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need water and some morals
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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