I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
