I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
