Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
