He is an equal opportunity slut.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
