u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
