so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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