I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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