Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
