I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
