I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
