so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
