a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
