My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
