Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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