is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
