Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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