Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
