You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
