I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
