Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
