How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
