i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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